If you're feeling anxious

Lots of life going on lately.
I find this song so so calming and dreamy. Music is one of the best remedies for stress; good music can lift you out of life and put you in a moment removed from everything else. In that separation, it can soothe your soul, give you time to think clearly, and ease you back into reality. Music, beauty, gives you a fresh perspective.
This song has yet to fail to relax, especially when I'm stressed and studying.
"Ollie Falls Asleep" - Berlinist. Enjoy :)

Self-promoting narcissists

You may already know this, but for context’s sake I’ll make my predicament/(fortune?) known:

This summer, I must find a job. But not your typical student summer job, mind you. No, it has to be a tad more involved, more along the lines of an upper-level, paid internship. Problem is, I don’t exactly have a CV filled with the skills most insurance companies or typical businesses would be looking for, and I’m supposed to find a position with a “profit-driven company”. So how do I convince a business that I’m worth hiring? (Because I am TOTALLY worth hiring by the way ;))

Well, I read a blog post recently, and it looks like I have some work to do.

I highly recommend actually reading the article, but if you don’t, here’s the gist of it:

Women, in general, are less willing than men to be totally ballsy and bluff their way into work that they’re not necessarily qualified for. This author, "Clay Shirky", suggests that women aren’t as willing as men to be “self-promoting narcissists” to get their way. Of course that doesn't mean that this is true of all women, or that all men find it easy to be "self-aggrandizing jerks" when the situation calls for it, but the author does have a point in noting that a lot more men seem to become famous in their chosen fields than women, and this isn’t because women are under-qualified - it would seem many (more?) men simply know when and how to effectively exaggerate their abilities! Anyways, if you want the whole story, just read the post. Seriously.

Now, I'm thinking that, as far as generalizations go, if we're going to say women have trouble promoting themselves, then we'd better say that perfectionists have quite the tough time as well, as do Christians, and others belonging to religious groups that also emphasize being humble. 

Perfectionists are hard on themselves, and often less likely to discuss how fantastic they are because of the near-impossible standards they regularly hold themselves to.

As far as religious beliefs go, those seeking to live lives of humility are probably not the first ones to start tooting their own horns.

As a Christian female with perfectionist tendencies... Well, you get the picture. Though really, whether or not you possess one or all three of these traits, it will probably be hard to intensely self-promote if you don't believe in your own, well, awesomeness.  So a first step is reminding yourself of your God-given gifts and abilities. I am not, however, going to write a whole post convincing you of how everyone is fantastic - that for the moment is up to you, and hopefully some lovely people in your life :)

Now, once one is feeling more confident overall, and that they'd be very much worth hiring, the time comes to start sounding like what could be perceived as a bit of an egotist. I'm not just talking about the classic, "I am a hard-working individual, quick learner, blah blah blah etc." spiel. (Though this is good CV stuff, and these are important qualities.) No, as the aforementioned blog post mentions, and as I've been encouraged to do this past summer at "scholar camp", I'm thinking more about the persistent emails, the CV drop-off follow ups, the convincing self-pitches about how your work is FANTASTIC, how your potential employer would be infinitely better off with you as part of his/her team. It all makes me think of Gilmore Girls, as many things do, (THE best show, in my humble opinion), Season 6, Episode 9, in which college student Rory Gilmore works to get her desired position: (You can skip the example below if you don't like reading TV show scripts and/or examples... But it's a good one!)

[At the office of the Stamford Eagle Gazette]

RORY [jumps up]: She's pointing at me!

MR. WOOLES: Rory Gilmore!

RORY: As you live and breathe.

MR. WOOLES: Uh, I'm sorry, did we, uh -

RORY: No, we didn't have an appointment. I just thought I would come down here and talk to you about a job.

MR. WOOLES: A job?

RORY: A beginning staff writer job, to be exact.

MR. WOOLES: Okay, I think maybe we got our signals crossed earlier. I thought I was clear, I don't have any jobs available.

RORY: No, you were very clear. You said you didn't have any jobs available and I heard you. I have excellent hearing, among my many other qualifications which I have listed here on my resume. [She hands him an envelope.]

MR. WOOLES: Your -

RORY: And my portfolio. [She picks up two large binders.] Samples of all my writing. All my work from the Yale Daily News, plus a couple of spec pieces that I've just recently finished. Ideas, potential pitches, theater reviews. [She hands him the binders.]

MR. WOOLES: Well, I'm sure that this is all -

RORY: Look, I know that this is very spur of the moment, but I thought maybe you could find a minute to sit down and talk with me.

MR. WOOLES: About what?

RORY: About a job.

MR. WOOLES: But I don't have any job openings.

RORY: I know, but see, earlier, when we were on the phone, you were so positive and optimistic, and you said so many complimentary things! I mean, frankly, you made me sound great! So great that I thought, hey, you should hire that girl.

MR. WOOLES [shaking his head]: But -

RORY: I already know most of the staff! The rhythm of this place. How it runs. I know where you keep the pens. I have personally fixed the copier in that coffee room on more than ten occasions. But the bottom line is, Mitchum was wrong. I am a very good writer. And I have great organizational skills, yes, but I know how to come at an article. I have a point of view. A voice. And - big selling point - I am a huge bargain.

MR. WOOLES: Rory, these are wonderful points, but I have nothing at this moment!

RORY: If you could sit down and talk with me I bet we could work that out.

MR. WOOLES: I have no time to sit and talk with you today. I'm sorry.

RORY: Look. I have sent my resume to several other papers. I'm not worried about finding a position. I'm worried about finding the right position. The right place for me. I think this is the right place for me.

MR. WOOLES: Well, it's not the right place for you, because there is no place for you! I have no job openings!

RORY: Give me ten minutes of your time and I bet I can change your mind.

MR. WOOLES: I don't have ten minutes.

RORY: I would be invaluable to you here.

MR. WOOLES: If I gave you a job I'd have to fire Harry.

RORY: Five minutes.

MR. WOOLES: Sorry.

RORY: That's okay. I can wait.

[She sits down and folds her hands in her lap.]  

Rory's persistence eventually pays off, and Mr. Wooles hires her. Naturally, this isn't representative of all circumstances, but your chances of being hired increase substantially the more appealing you appear to your prospective employer, and how will he/she know how amazing you are unless you tell him/her? And subsequently remind them by resurfacing? (Because CVs can get buried and forgotten pretty quickly.) Of course, this doesn't mean that once you've been very firmly rejected you should keep showing up; that could lead to a restraining order. However, as long as there's a possibility, however slight, of success, keep going for it! Declare that you have impressive accomplishments and are enthused by the prospect of working at your desired company! As the blog post first mentioned suggests, perhaps be so obnoxious as to have other people start thinking you're rather narcissistic. You may not get the job you want if you aren't able or willing to risk sounding full of yourself to some people. But really, how important is it what you sound like to them? The post's author writes:

It’s tempting to imagine that women could be forceful and self-confident without being arrogant or jerky, but that’s a false hope, because it’s other people who get to decide when they think you’re a jerk, and trying to stay under that threshold means giving those people veto power over your actions. To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction. [Italics mine.]

And that is a wonderful argument, especially for those of us who fear being perceived as too "over the top"... It really applies to lots of things in life.

Anyhow, I write all this as if to some external audience, but in reality, I am writing to myself as much as anyone. I hope I can put some of these principles and suggestions to use in the job/internship hunt this summer, and I hope you can too, if ever they seem to be of use!

PS - I hope that this ridiculously long post somewhat makes up for my prolonged lack of updates.