Easy

Don't you think it would have been easier to live back in the Little House on the Prairie days

When Central Asia, the Middle East, Africa, and on, were all far off places, when all countries but your own and the motherland were packed with myths and exotic tales
All so exotic. Exotic, fabled, and foreign. Their problems, wars, and pains, unknown to you. And no one would fault you for your lack of knowledge and lack of care.

Now though, now if you don't know, I see you as a hypocrite
For saying you care when you don't
You care
But not the world around not even
Around the whole of society you
Don't care
Well where's the use in caring,
When all it does is hurt. Right?

Because you don't have time
No time to care
Because you're here now, and here now means focusing on you you you
University tells you, tells you to do good, tells us it will equip you
But then you forget and you get lost sitting in a class that's all symbols and formulas and no people
But this is supposed to help them one day. Right?
University begs us to get wrapped up in ourselves
Forces our heads down to desks full of formulas and concentrates us on grades
Compares us with everyone around
And tells us each assignment matters
Then reminds us of the world and all its problems

Tells us of the futility of it all and how

Even if you want to do something good

No good thing is simply good - it's all wrapped up in prejudice and overly Western influence and white-saviour complexes

But do, do good.

You could forget to

But even then even if you don't forget, even if you figure out what to do

It's all so big and far and foreign and who are you?

They yell at you and say it's none of your business that we'll take care of our own

And that you should take care of your own.

Yes yes I should I should.

And I'll be well-paid too

How nice. Because I'm here.

No that's good then. That's good.

Because then you can give it all away

All all away

.... I know I probably won't.

If I get anywhere that is.

But see that's about me. And me and me and me

That's this time in your life

To care about you

So that one day

....

One day what?

The family

The family is so important

Yes that I'll go with that

Focus on the micro because many good micros will eventually build into one grand macro, one good picture

But NO

Still the money is mismanaged there and education is inadequate and they're all dying all dying

Abortion is birth control and HIV says you're singled out for divine punishment

They're lies all lies and how will they know! All the people! I don't speak Kyrgyz

Who does? Who'll go and tell them? The Canada travel advisory says avoid non-essential travel because everyone robs and thievery and assault are rampant.

Well it should be local anyways right. Right right right. That's what they've been telling us. That's what's ideal.

But many doctors won't treat HIV patients or demand danger pay. Danger pay. Masks marked up by 500% corruption corruption. Are people caring? People are caring. They are. I hope the Church.... I hope....

I hope they're there and caring.

I can't do anything anyways. In and of myself. I know, believe me I know, a thousand times over. And I'm afraid of not even wanting to. Caring here first. Here where I am. But ...... Excuses are easy to come by, especially if you don't know whether or not they're excuses or legitimate arguments.

Pray.

Pray pray pray. That's all we can do.

Even there though.... There's SO MUCH to pray for. And I can't do it all at all. (Ask others) okay. Okay. How do you get others to care when you hardly know if you care enough yourself? When you don't have the time and I don't feel like a prayer warrior

Only God will make all things right

But we we have no idea

And we sit here with our problems -

Are they valid?

The stress the relationships the questions about the future the worry about all this -

They're valid because they reflect how we all desperately need God

But on the other hand it makes me wonder sometimes

Did all of my problems surface because I have so much time and lack of worry about survival in living my upper middle class life? ... Time and enough needs taken care of so that I had the chance to come up with new worries? Are these worries even necessary?

Is any worry necessary.

I need to find someone else who cares

But it's really hard to care and keep caring when you figure there's not much you can do.

(Don't think you're some hero who has to carry it all because HE carries it all.)

I think it's because I'm fearful of how easy it is to fall into apathy. I don't want to be apathetic but ............ What's the use in JUST talking about it

And JUST caring about it all anyways

Without action. Is there a purpose to being "informed"?

To being informed when all it makes you want to do is collapse under it all because you know YOU can't take care of any of it? Is there a point in just talking, in just awareness about ALL of the injustice and discrimination and hate and ignorance?

Look for the joy. Remember that it's not all bleak (but sometimes I feel that it IS all bleak!)

And one day one day HE will make all things right and all things well

It's just

That

.....

What are we to do until then?

How hopeful, how optimistic should we become?

I have a hard time hoping and praying for revival when some parts of the Bible seem to say that things will just get worse until Jesus comes back.

But then

There's other philosophies too that say, that say things will get better and better until He comes, that we are to build the kingdom of Heaven on earth

Does this mean there's hope for now? And that there is a point in doing all we can? To heal both physically and spiritually?

There's just so so much.

And only He can take care of it all.

The stories in the news

Everything looks dark

"The newspaper is God's to do list delivered right to my front door" - Archbishop Desmond Tutu

It's an awful lot to do.

I don't want to want to escape.

(Don't end on a hopeless note. Because it doesn't end hopelessly.
He's here, you know. He's there. He. Is. There. And HE doesn't tire or grow weary or stressed and HE IS able and fully equipped. It's not up to you. It's not up to you. He is willing and able and cares consistently and more than you ever can or will. So pray. Pray to Him and be where you are now.)

Act justly and love mercy and walk humbly with Your God. {Micah 6:8}
Be thankful. LET the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Put on love. {Colossians 3:14-17}
Love one another deeply. {1 Peter 4:8}

Self-promoting narcissists

You may already know this, but for context’s sake I’ll make my predicament/(fortune?) known:

This summer, I must find a job. But not your typical student summer job, mind you. No, it has to be a tad more involved, more along the lines of an upper-level, paid internship. Problem is, I don’t exactly have a CV filled with the skills most insurance companies or typical businesses would be looking for, and I’m supposed to find a position with a “profit-driven company”. So how do I convince a business that I’m worth hiring? (Because I am TOTALLY worth hiring by the way ;))

Well, I read a blog post recently, and it looks like I have some work to do.

I highly recommend actually reading the article, but if you don’t, here’s the gist of it:

Women, in general, are less willing than men to be totally ballsy and bluff their way into work that they’re not necessarily qualified for. This author, "Clay Shirky", suggests that women aren’t as willing as men to be “self-promoting narcissists” to get their way. Of course that doesn't mean that this is true of all women, or that all men find it easy to be "self-aggrandizing jerks" when the situation calls for it, but the author does have a point in noting that a lot more men seem to become famous in their chosen fields than women, and this isn’t because women are under-qualified - it would seem many (more?) men simply know when and how to effectively exaggerate their abilities! Anyways, if you want the whole story, just read the post. Seriously.

Now, I'm thinking that, as far as generalizations go, if we're going to say women have trouble promoting themselves, then we'd better say that perfectionists have quite the tough time as well, as do Christians, and others belonging to religious groups that also emphasize being humble. 

Perfectionists are hard on themselves, and often less likely to discuss how fantastic they are because of the near-impossible standards they regularly hold themselves to.

As far as religious beliefs go, those seeking to live lives of humility are probably not the first ones to start tooting their own horns.

As a Christian female with perfectionist tendencies... Well, you get the picture. Though really, whether or not you possess one or all three of these traits, it will probably be hard to intensely self-promote if you don't believe in your own, well, awesomeness.  So a first step is reminding yourself of your God-given gifts and abilities. I am not, however, going to write a whole post convincing you of how everyone is fantastic - that for the moment is up to you, and hopefully some lovely people in your life :)

Now, once one is feeling more confident overall, and that they'd be very much worth hiring, the time comes to start sounding like what could be perceived as a bit of an egotist. I'm not just talking about the classic, "I am a hard-working individual, quick learner, blah blah blah etc." spiel. (Though this is good CV stuff, and these are important qualities.) No, as the aforementioned blog post mentions, and as I've been encouraged to do this past summer at "scholar camp", I'm thinking more about the persistent emails, the CV drop-off follow ups, the convincing self-pitches about how your work is FANTASTIC, how your potential employer would be infinitely better off with you as part of his/her team. It all makes me think of Gilmore Girls, as many things do, (THE best show, in my humble opinion), Season 6, Episode 9, in which college student Rory Gilmore works to get her desired position: (You can skip the example below if you don't like reading TV show scripts and/or examples... But it's a good one!)

[At the office of the Stamford Eagle Gazette]

RORY [jumps up]: She's pointing at me!

MR. WOOLES: Rory Gilmore!

RORY: As you live and breathe.

MR. WOOLES: Uh, I'm sorry, did we, uh -

RORY: No, we didn't have an appointment. I just thought I would come down here and talk to you about a job.

MR. WOOLES: A job?

RORY: A beginning staff writer job, to be exact.

MR. WOOLES: Okay, I think maybe we got our signals crossed earlier. I thought I was clear, I don't have any jobs available.

RORY: No, you were very clear. You said you didn't have any jobs available and I heard you. I have excellent hearing, among my many other qualifications which I have listed here on my resume. [She hands him an envelope.]

MR. WOOLES: Your -

RORY: And my portfolio. [She picks up two large binders.] Samples of all my writing. All my work from the Yale Daily News, plus a couple of spec pieces that I've just recently finished. Ideas, potential pitches, theater reviews. [She hands him the binders.]

MR. WOOLES: Well, I'm sure that this is all -

RORY: Look, I know that this is very spur of the moment, but I thought maybe you could find a minute to sit down and talk with me.

MR. WOOLES: About what?

RORY: About a job.

MR. WOOLES: But I don't have any job openings.

RORY: I know, but see, earlier, when we were on the phone, you were so positive and optimistic, and you said so many complimentary things! I mean, frankly, you made me sound great! So great that I thought, hey, you should hire that girl.

MR. WOOLES [shaking his head]: But -

RORY: I already know most of the staff! The rhythm of this place. How it runs. I know where you keep the pens. I have personally fixed the copier in that coffee room on more than ten occasions. But the bottom line is, Mitchum was wrong. I am a very good writer. And I have great organizational skills, yes, but I know how to come at an article. I have a point of view. A voice. And - big selling point - I am a huge bargain.

MR. WOOLES: Rory, these are wonderful points, but I have nothing at this moment!

RORY: If you could sit down and talk with me I bet we could work that out.

MR. WOOLES: I have no time to sit and talk with you today. I'm sorry.

RORY: Look. I have sent my resume to several other papers. I'm not worried about finding a position. I'm worried about finding the right position. The right place for me. I think this is the right place for me.

MR. WOOLES: Well, it's not the right place for you, because there is no place for you! I have no job openings!

RORY: Give me ten minutes of your time and I bet I can change your mind.

MR. WOOLES: I don't have ten minutes.

RORY: I would be invaluable to you here.

MR. WOOLES: If I gave you a job I'd have to fire Harry.

RORY: Five minutes.

MR. WOOLES: Sorry.

RORY: That's okay. I can wait.

[She sits down and folds her hands in her lap.]  

Rory's persistence eventually pays off, and Mr. Wooles hires her. Naturally, this isn't representative of all circumstances, but your chances of being hired increase substantially the more appealing you appear to your prospective employer, and how will he/she know how amazing you are unless you tell him/her? And subsequently remind them by resurfacing? (Because CVs can get buried and forgotten pretty quickly.) Of course, this doesn't mean that once you've been very firmly rejected you should keep showing up; that could lead to a restraining order. However, as long as there's a possibility, however slight, of success, keep going for it! Declare that you have impressive accomplishments and are enthused by the prospect of working at your desired company! As the blog post first mentioned suggests, perhaps be so obnoxious as to have other people start thinking you're rather narcissistic. You may not get the job you want if you aren't able or willing to risk sounding full of yourself to some people. But really, how important is it what you sound like to them? The post's author writes:

It’s tempting to imagine that women could be forceful and self-confident without being arrogant or jerky, but that’s a false hope, because it’s other people who get to decide when they think you’re a jerk, and trying to stay under that threshold means giving those people veto power over your actions. To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction. [Italics mine.]

And that is a wonderful argument, especially for those of us who fear being perceived as too "over the top"... It really applies to lots of things in life.

Anyhow, I write all this as if to some external audience, but in reality, I am writing to myself as much as anyone. I hope I can put some of these principles and suggestions to use in the job/internship hunt this summer, and I hope you can too, if ever they seem to be of use!

PS - I hope that this ridiculously long post somewhat makes up for my prolonged lack of updates.