Tonight, we had our last caregroup. I've been a leader with one of my closest friends, H, for the past two years, and tonight brought me to tears. I just love our girls so much. When they were hugging me and crying that I shouldn't go to Montréal, I wanted so badly to say that I'd change my plans for them, that I'd stick around here so that I could keep leading them. Why do we have to grow up? I almost feel that there could be no "better", or "bigger" purpose for me than to positively impact the lives of younger girls, to pray with them, hang with them, care for them, love them, and encourage them. Maybe there isn't anything "better" or "bigger", just something different that I'm supposed to be doing. Our girls are each so special, prized, and unique. And beautiful. So beautiful, inwardly and on the surface. I'm going to miss them incredibly. So now, not only is this weekend filled with graduation and moving on from high school friends and teachers (though I intend to stay in contact with a lot of these people), but it is also filled with trying to realize that this was my last caregroup. Next September, I won't be there with H to awkwardly attend the leader retreat, and laugh until our sides ache, and plan our first caregroup, and pray for our girls, preparing the first meeting last minute, despite our best intentions. Though, come to think of it, I'll still be able to laugh, pray, and maybe even help plan with her... I hope :)
It's all rushing up on me. I hardly realized how much I meant to my incredible girls. I love them so much.
And now tomorrow, it's beginning and ending all at once. I really want to clue in, and experience the moments. I want it to register, but I'm also afraid for that to happen, because then my eyes will probably start welling up. I don't feel old enough. I'm thrilled to be wearing the cap and gown, but I feel distanced from what that means, and I don't feel prepared to take it all in. Though I am excited. So very excited.
I like adventures.
